Let’s begin with a story
An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws.
"You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella.
Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek.
"Freckles are beautiful." The boy looked up, "Really?"
"Of course," said the grandmother. "Why just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles."
The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face and softly whispered, "Wrinkles.
Moral of the story: "Empathy is about standing in someone else's shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes. Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place."--Daniel H. Pink.
The concern
Empathy is a powerful communication skill that is often misunderstood and underused.
Although most of us consider empathy a valuable and basic human trait, it often goes missing in day-to-day life. Just think of the major disconnect between many managers and their teams. Or how it's so easy to hurt those whom we love, simply because we can't see things from their perspective.
People who struggle with the impact of too much emphasis on acquiring, both things and people, and have equated that with mental health, success and maturity. In reality, that mentality promotes increasing vanity and self-importance. Then, you become increasingly alienated from your own heart. You equate what you have with who you are.
And that’s a killer for empathy, because you’re now ripe for the delusion that you’re completely independent and self-sufficient. You lose touch with the true reality, that all humans are interconnected and interdependent - all organs of the same body, so to speak. Your sense of being a part of a larger interwoven network - which is absolutely necessary for survival in today’s world - fades away; so does your awareness that we have to sink or swim together, help each other, and sustain the planet we inhabit - or else we’re all in deep trouble.
The net result of this social conditioning is the decline of empathy and a failure to recognize that we’re all one, bound together. You only see yourself. And I think that’s a bona fide emotional disorder in our times — in effect, a “social psychosis.”
So, let’s discuss about empathy today.
What is empathy
Empathy is, at its simplest, awareness of the feelings and emotions of other people.
Empathy can also be considered as the "capacity" to share and understand another’s "state of mind" or emotion. It is often characterized as the ability to “put oneself into another’s shoes”, or in some way experience the point of view or emotions of another being within oneself.
Three Types of Empathy
Psychologists have identified three types of empathy: cognitive empathy, emotional empathy and compassionate empathy.
Cognitive empathy is understanding someone’s thoughts and emotions, in a very rational, rather than emotional sense.
Emotional empathy is also known as emotional contagion, and is ‘catching’ someone else’s feelings, so that you literally feel them too.
Compassionate empathy is understanding someone’s feelings, and taking appropriate action to help.
Empathy and Sympathy
It is very easy to confuse empathy with its closely related cousin sympathy.
So, it is important to understand the difference.
Sympathy is defined by Merriam-Webster as "the feeling that you care about and are sorry about someone else's trouble, grief, misfortune, etc.", or "a feeling of support for something." In contrast, empathy is "the feeling that you understand and share another person's feelings and emotions."
Sympathy is a great quality and can be extremely useful, but it's limited. For example, imagine a colleague goes through a difficult personal situation, such as a divorce or the loss of a family member. We naturally feel sympathy. We may even write a card or attempt to express our feelings somehow (sometimes awkwardly). For the most part, though, we move on with our lives.
Empathy goes far beyond sympathy, which might be considered ‘feeling for’ someone. Empathy, instead, is ‘feeling with’ that person, using imagination.
But showing empathy isn't as easy as it sounds. The problem is, even though we yearn for others to try fitting into our shoes, we're often not ready to do the same for them. We see this every day in the form of broken marriages, strained parent-child relationships, and deteriorating communication in the workplace. To understand more about the "why" behind this, we need to be aware of what's called "the perspective gap".
Showing empathy takes more time, and requires more effort. We must remember how it felt when we went through similar circumstances (or how we would feel, if we haven't had this experience). We strive to remember how this affected our work and our relationships. Even further, we try to imagine specifically how our colleague feels in this situation, recognizing that every individual will deal with things in his or her own way.
There's a place and time for sympathy, but you'll go a lot further with empathy. In fact, cultivating empathy will do wonders for your relationships. Why?
Because in most cases, empathy begets empathy. When you work hard to walk in another person's shoes, they'll be moved to do the same for you.
And that gets the best out of everyone.
Empathy and Emotional intelligence
Empathy is the key element of Emotional Intelligence, the link between self and others, because it is how we as individuals understand what others are experiencing as if we were feeling it ourselves.
Additionally, Emotional Intelligence (EI), often measured as an Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ), describes a concept that involves the ability, capacity, skill or a self-perceived ability, to identify, assess, and manage the emotions of one’s self, of others, and of groups. Because it is a relatively new area of psychological research, the concept is constantly changing. The EQ concept argues that IQ, or conventional intelligence, is too narrow; that there are wider areas of emotional intelligence that dictate and enable how successful we are.
In a transparent world dominated by social media, corporations are feeling the need to become truly responsive to the needs of their customers and employees. The corporate world is an increasingly immediate, intimate, and interactive space. The call for companies to engage in authentic dialogue is becoming louder. And yet this desire to change is hampered by the fear of appearing weak and vulnerable, meaning that most businesses still suffer from an empathy deficit.
Empathy is becoming recognised as a vital skill for progressive leaders, and is listed as a core competency for leadership in many modern companies. This leads to the question whether you can teach empathy as a management skill? Can you make someone who struggles with empathy better at displaying this human emotion? Can you give empathy to someone who seems unable to build these connections between themselves and other team members?
If a specific task or process is causing problems, try to work alongside a disgruntled team member, to better understand the person's point of view. Is a change at work causing them problems? Just 15 or 20 minutes working together can do wonders toward helping you to feel their pain.
Whilst it may feel at times as though some colleagues are completely lacking in empathy, it is unlikely that they are truly devoid of this most basic of human emotions. Harnessing and displaying empathy, however, is a different matter, and something many people struggle with, often for fear of appearing weak or overly emotional. Having the emotional intelligence necessary to build powerful personal relationships through showing empathy at work is quickly becoming essential - and the following ideas might help release the natural empathy skills you have already.
Empathy moves us to be more understanding and helps us to be better managers and leaders.
Empathy in customer service and salesforce
Empathy is integral when it comes to understanding what upsets customers and what they respond to positively. Customer service representatives should utilize their empathetic skills to understand exactly what upsets customers when they call their customer service centre and use that knowledge to their advantage.
Demonstrating empathy will show customers that you care and will improve their overall impression of your company, even if they’ve recently had a negative experience. The main goal of customer service is to ensure customers are happy and that they have a positive experience, which is exactly what showing them empathy achieves.
Dealing with emotional customers can become a long and drawn-out process. However, these interactions can be cut down in length when your customer service agents know how to portray their empathy. It’s difficult to communicate with emotional customers much less help them solve their problems, so the first step is to diffuse the situation. Arguing doesn’t help in calming down upset customers but empathy does.
Representatives should express that they understand how the customer is feeling and why they’re upset—this can help calm them down. Once they are calm, it’ll be easier to interact and communicate with them, making the resolution of their issues that much quicker.
When customers are valued and treated as much, they’re more likely to choose your business the next time around—even if they experienced an issue before. Customer service representatives can make all the difference, especially when they show empathy and a true interest in helping. Consumers will be able to sense their genuine attitude, especially when they communicate that they understand their frustrations, and do everything they can to help them.
If empathy comes from having had similar experiences, the easiest way to help customer service employees become more empathetic is to put them in their customers’ shoes.
Another way to put employees in their customers’ shoes is through sharing personal stories from customers. Stories are a powerful way of tapping into our imaginations and helping us understand how the characters may have felt or what they were thinking.
A few suggestions to be more empathetic
So how can you work on becoming more empathetic? Here are a few suggestions:
It is important to work hard to understand the state of mind of the person you are communicating.
Rather than dismiss someone else's problem as complaining, it helps to try to remember how you felt the last time you were severely frustrated by a situation.
Of course, at times our own experience can hinder our ability to show empathy. For instance, if we've dealt much better with a set of circumstances in the past than another person is currently, we might think, Well, what's the big deal?
The key is to try to relate a situation to something that you have felt yourself or some of your close friends or family members faced, and they narrated how difficult it had been for them to cope up with the emotional upheaval.
In other words, try your best to relate the other person's feelings to similar feelings of your own. Then use that as motivation to help.
Showing empathy in this way takes time, but you will often motivate the ones you are trying to help just by showing that you care enough to take this step.
Don't freeze them in time. Every situation is different and every situation is susceptible to change without prior notice. Remember that people, their feelings, and their circumstances change with time. So, keep the lines of communication open, and adapt as necessary.
To Sum it up
Lack of empathy reflects being locked inside a self-centered world, a breeding ground for emotional isolation, disconnection and polarization. That’s highly dangerous in today’s interconnected, globalized world.
By developing empathy, you deepen your understanding and acceptance of how and why people do what they do, and build greater respect for others. From empathy, tolerance grows, and tolerance of differences is an essential part of psychological health. This doesn’t mean whitewashing differences you have with other people, or letting others walk over you. Rather, empathy gives you a stronger, wiser base for resolving conflicts when you have them. You’re able to bridge differences more effectively and with less destructiveness.
Empathy heightens awareness of commonality and connection with fellow humans — people who suffer and struggle with life in many of the same ways you do. Despite the differences like religion, race, or ideology. That’s a path towards a healthy life and a healthy society.
It is time to be a little more conscious about our actions and be more sensitive about others, their need and concerns. "When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That's when you can get more creative in solving problems."--Stephen Covey
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