Self-reflection is assessing our own self

Let’s begin with a story

A little boy went into a convenience store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over and dragged it to near the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the cradle of the phone and proceeded to dial in phone numbers.  The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation.
Boy: ‘Ma’am, can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): ‘I already have someone to cut my lawn.’
Boy: ‘Ma’am, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now.’
Woman: I’m very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.
Boy: ‘Ma’am, I’ll even sweep your kerb and your sidewalk so you will have neatest and prettiest lawn in your neighbourhood.’
Woman: ‘No, thank you.’
Faced with rejection, the little boy replaced the receiver.
The store-owner, who was listening to the conversation could understand that the boy did not get the job. So, he walked over to the boy.
Store Owner: ‘Son… I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job in my store.’
Boy: ‘No thanks. I already have a job.’
Store Owner: ‘But weren’t you really pleading for one?’
Boy: ‘No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the Job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!’

Moral of the story: This is what we call ‘Self Appraisal’ or “Self-Evaluation”. It plays an important role in the learning process and overall development of an individual. It reflects on the old saying “judging oneself before being judged by the world”.

Why is Self-Evaluation Important?

Most people don’t like to take tests. Some people suffer from anxiety and stress before taking up a test and have a hard time performing well under the pressure of a test. Sometimes tests can seem pointless to one but meaningful to others.

Although tests may not seem very helpful at times still one needs to go through the process of evaluation, which plays a major role in any kind of personal development.

Well, paper-and-pencil standardized tests may sometimes not be able to do complete justice, what is far more important is to develop a process called self-evaluation. Self-evaluation helps in changing your role from a passive observer to an active participant.

Self-evaluation and self-appraisal in business organizations

Business organizations have been practicing self-evaluation for a long time now, most notably at the time of employee appraisals. However, employee self-evaluation has met with limited success as the manager’s decision is the clincher to the performance of an employee. This has led many employees to believe that employee self-evaluation is a drudgery without any effect whatsoever on their careers.
It is very important, therefore, that organizations instill credence and conviction in the employees that self-evaluation is crucial and their feedback is taken earnestly.

It is well understood that in the absence of a proper platform of self-evaluation, many employees may feel that they are deprived of an opportunity to express their accomplishments and contributions to the business. When employees are given an opportunity to evaluate themselves, they become more accountable for themselves and take responsibility for their actions and shows appropriate behaviour.

From self-evaluation to self-reflection

Let us imagine an iceberg floating in the ocean. Only one tenth of the iceberg is visible, while the rest of it lies under the ocean – mighty, terrifying and tantalizing. Our mind works correspondingly. Our conscious mind makes up less than 10 % of our brain function. The enormous rest is our subconscious mind. Our subconscious mind is comprised of unintentional and perpetual thoughts, behaviours, and functions.

The subconscious mind works like an autopilot that stimulates certain behaviours in certain situations. The triggered behaviour doesn’t necessarily lead to the desired results. To add up to this, we often don’t have a clue about why are we doing certain things and why do we feel the way we feel. In some situations, we can even get so perplexed that we completely misinterpret the feedback from the environment, which leads to an entirely wrong decision.

Through self-reflection, we can change how we see ourselves, our thoughts, our actions, our emotions and how we respond to certain circumstances and, at the end, how we react. Consequently, we can also change how other people perceive us.

Self-reflection is consciously assessing our own behaviour and beliefs. If we explore further, self-reflection is about developing inner reflection and seeking answers to thought-provoking questions cropping up in our mind, so that we can develop a deeper level of understanding our own self.

A self-reflection journal

A journal can be our tool for self-reflection and analytical work. When journaling, it is not the goal to down everything that happened to us on a specific day. But to contemplate on why it happened, how did we feel, why did we feel that way, how is that connected to our values and beliefs and so on.

It is all about your thoughts, our perspective, our feelings, our words, our actions and about the feedback from our family and friends and peers. It’s about becoming aware of why we acted like we did,  what is the consequence of our behaviour and at a greater level,  what we desire in life. It aims to get more insights to lead a meaningful life, the values that we live up to, developing clarity and focus, nurturing deeper relationships, identifying cognitive charade and so on.

By far the best way to do self-reflection by journaling is writing things down ourselves. Writing our words by hand connects us more tangibly to what we are writing through the physical connection of pen to paper. There is neuro-scientific evidence that links handwriting with our brain. All we must do is buy a notebook, schedule some time and start writing.

To get the most out of journaling, we should do it consistently, for example, 30 minutes every day before we go to sleep till it becomes a habit and our mind synchronize into the state for self-reflection.

Let’s Summarize

It's easy for busy ambitious people to get lost in their work. They are so busy that a whole year is gone in the blink of an eye. There is no harm in being driven and productive. We must love to accomplish and engage in new activities and opportunities continuously. But it is equally important, if not more, to feel rooted in who we are and the people we choose to include in our lives.

To make sure we keep the connection, we must consciously set aside time for self-reflection, when we consciously unplug from everybody and everything else and focus on developing better communication skills, critical thinking, self-learning, self-awareness, social awareness, empathy, analytical capabilities and sensitivity to differences.

All these will manifest as increased professional value and value for personal relationships, resulting in you having a greater capacity for work, creativity, love and, at the bottom line, being happier.
As Confucius said, “By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is the noblest; second, by imitation, which is the easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest.”
Since we do not deserve bitter experiences in life and we don’t want to only emulate other people, let’s focus on refining ourselves by self-reflection.