Become a prosperity magnet

Every single second is an opportunity to change your life, because in any moment you can change the way you feel.– Rhonda Byrne

The Law of Attraction is working in your life right now, whether you are aware of it or not. You are attracting people, situations, jobs and much more into your life. Once you are aware of the Law of Attraction and how it works, you can start to use it to deliberately attract what you want into your life.

The Law of Attraction is a simple and unchanging universal principle, just like gravity is an unchanging law of our universe.

Not believing in the law of gravity is not an option — the law will still work and nothing is an exception to the law. On the contrary believing in the law of gravity allows you to predict and expect what will happen.

The Law of Attraction works the same way. You believe it or not, your life is being shaped by the law every hour, every day. However, if you believe it and get in tune with it, you can start predicting and expecting what happens to you, for you. Your awareness of the Law of Attraction can affect your life.

Things within our universe have a tendency to migrate toward other like things. 

We’re using the word “things” here because this law encompasses thoughts, feelings, people, objects and everything else in our universe. It’s a universal principle, so it applies to all the things. Like attracts like. Like migrates toward like.

What is Law of Attraction?

Simply put, the Law of Attraction says that you will attract into your life whatever you focus on. Whatever you give your energy and attention to will come back to you.

So, if you stay focused on the good and positive things in your life, you will automatically attract more good and positive things into your life. If you are focused upon lack and negativity, then that is what will be attracted into your life.

To really understand the Law of Attraction, tune in to your perspective of your relationship with the universe. In other words, it’s important to examine how you feel about the way the universe interacts with you.

Some people believe that they are a product of everything that has happened to them because these people believe they are not in control of their lives. The Law of Attraction works on the realization that your thoughts and feelings do have an effect on the events that take place around you. A shift in your perspective and understanding of the truth about your relationship to the universe, can begin to attract better things into your life.

If you are still unconvinced about this universal principle and if it still seems interwoven in magic and, therefore, unreal, perhaps it’s because we’re talking about intangible concepts like thoughts and feelings. Things will gradually get clearer when we try to shift our focus from understanding to feeling and realizing the Law.

So, let us plunge into the world of realization of what law of attraction is and how it works in our lives. It will empower us to manifest our goals and desires in a coherent way and we will be in more control of our life.

Learning how to consciously use the Law of Attraction to enhance your life is a process that takes time. Not only is it a skill that must be cultivated, but the actual manifestations will take time to come about as well. Patience is one of those key qualities of living a successful life. This law always works. It literally cannot fail. It is how the Universe has and will operate for eternity. The Law of Attraction is very similar to the Law of Gravity; you can’t see it and you often aren’t consciously aware of it. However, if you observe closely you can very easily see the law in action.

Four pillars of the Law of Attraction:

Everything is Vibration or energy:

The first concept to understand is the fundamental law of the Universe - the Law of Vibration.

Every single thing from the largest stars and planets in space, all the way down to the tiniest grain of sand, is in a constant state of vibration and are constantly radiating energy.

Our brain is so smart that it has taken the vibrations all around us, and learned how to translate it into our “reality” in a way so that we can’t even recognise its vibration. Our entire “reality” is all within our head.

Logically accepting this truth is much different than actually believing this truth and applying it to your life. In order to begin consciously creating your reality, begin believing that everything is vibration. Take some time out of your day, and sit and just attempt to visualise the vibrational nature of everything around you. Quiet your mind and really feel the vibration of the sounds and the air around you. Suspend any doubts you may have for just a few minutes and give it a go. I am sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Like attracts like:

The second concept to grasp is that the fundamental principle of the Law of Vibration is that vibrations of similar frequency are drawn together.

Think about two droplets of water that are slowly moving towards each other. What happens as they get closer? They eventually get close enough that they attract each other and become one droplet of water instead of two separate ones. This occurs because they are of like vibration. Now, think about the same phenomena with a droplet of water and a droplet of oil. No matter how close you put them together they will not become one with each other. This is because their vibrations are too different from one another.

This is the idea that the Law of Attraction is based on. If you want to bring about something in your life, regardless of what it is, begin vibrating at a level that is congruent with your desired reality. See yourself as a living magnet.

Gratitude and humility: 

You get into a place of gratitude for what you already have. What you focus on you get more of and what you place your attention on expands! By being grateful for what is in your life at the moment you put our attention on what you like and you get more of it. By feeling good about areas of your life that are working you are sending out very positive thoughts that the Law of Attraction immediately begins to manifest.

Be happy for another person’s success. Show gratitude all the time and your focus will be on the positive and your attention will be placed on what you want. Your attitude will change when your attention is squarely placed on the things in life that you want and you do this through gratitude. So to keep you on track develop an attitude of gratitude.

Control your attention and focus:

You must change the way you view your world. See the world as a nasty, unforgiving, greedy, violent place and that is what you will attract more of. If you allow your attention and focus to centre on the things that are not working in your life then they will expand and you will get more of what you don’t want. Think about this seriously. If you get jealous over another person’s good fortune then you are actually affirming that you don’t have what they do and focusing your attention on your own lack!

Begin to look for the beauty that is around you. Look for the abundance even if you are not fully experiencing it in your own life right now. Look for the things you want. Try to notice all the people who are currently enjoying the life you want to live and rejoice in their good fortune.

Direct your attention on what you want; what you focus on you get more of, and what you place your attention on expands!

How to put them together:

To make the Law of Attraction work for you and get what you want out of life, it is important that you raise your vibration.  Your vibration is the energy you are putting out into the universe (be it positive or negative).  High vibrational, positive energy attracts the things that you want, while low vibrational, negative energy attracts the things you don’t.  This is why you know some happy-go-lucky people who seem to flow through life effortlessly, and at the same time you know others who are usually cranky and upset and always seem to be running into problems.

Even though the Law of Attraction is a simple idea, it is common for people to struggle with it.  This is because many of us have been trained into every day, negative expectations and thoughts.  Sometimes we are unaware of how our thoughts are affecting us!

The problem comes about whenever we attempt to control our reality without first adjusting our vibration. No amount of physical manipulation will create the world that we wish to see. All of the work is done on the inside, in our minds. This means that no amount of action alone will produce the results that we desire. However, once we gain the ability to condition our minds to our desired frequencies of vibration, our physical reality quickly follows suit and reflects back to us our new vibration.

Take the time to think deeply about these ideas and see if they don’t make sense to you both logically and emotionally. If you think long and hard enough you will come to the same conclusions that the great leaders of humanity’s past have all come to: that is, we create our own reality.

The number one reason most people get stuck while manifesting is they don’t know every vital step to manifest and co-create with the universe.

How do you create your desires using the powerful law? What is the Law of Attraction formula? There are just a few basic steps.

1.            Ask for it: You must be very clear on exactly what your desire is.

2.            Source says YES!

3.            Allow It by Focusing on it.  Give it all your positive energy. Visualize and raise your vibration about it. Feel good!

A major factor behind the Law of Attraction is the energy and vibrations of our emotions and feelings. Any thought you may have, when combined with emotion, vibrates out from you to the universe and will attract back the same.

You can leave all the details to the universe.  Let the Universe figure out the method of delivery, when you will receive it, etc.  Now all you have to do is Allow It.  Sounds easy, right?  This can be the most difficult part of the Law of Attraction process.  Be doubt-free. All you need to do is positively expect it.  Act / feel like you already have it. Feel appreciation.

Process of manifestation through Law of Attraction

Here is the step by step process to manifest anything you want — including money

Step 1: Get clear on what you want: If you don’t know exactly what you want, you can’t actually take steps to make it happen. To manifest something, you must know what you desire. That means you must get very clear on the specifics, detailing the features as if your manifestation is tailor made for you. To get started with this step, create a list of 10-15 things you want to manifest. Get specific about what you want and list the attributes in the positive (i.e. avoid using the word don’t). As you create your list, give yourself permission to want what you want today and be open to changing it tomorrow.

Vision boards have become a really popular exercise for figuring out exactly what you want in your life. In their simplest form, these boards contain images and words that resonate with what you want to attract your way.

Step 2: Ask the universe: Once you have your list, it’s time to amplify your signal to the universe by asking for what you want. When the universe is clear on what you want to manifest, then it can help you.

If you don’t ask, it will still try to help you, but it guesses as to what you truly desire. Don’t leave what you receive up to chance, ask for what you want.

There are a lots of ways to ask including prayer, meditation, visualization, and vision boards. An easy way to ask for what you want is to write a letter to the universe.

Ask the universe for what you want at least once a day; this makes your requests clearer and clearer.

Step 3: Work toward your goals: Manifesting is the art of co-creating with the universe. Working toward your goals increases your chances of receiving what you want. Start taking action and keep taking action until you’ve reached your goal.

Once you believe that you’ll get what you want, the second part of the equation is to take action.

Taking the actions that would create your desired result affirms your belief that what you want is within reach.

Step 4: Trust the process: As you work toward your goal, it may question if manifesting actually works. You might get discouraged and frustrated. If you sit idle and keep wondering when things are going to happen you aren’t trusting the process. When you question manifestation, you’re telling the universe to prove: manifesting doesn’t work like that. The universe has no obligation towards you to prove anything. To manifest, you have to trust the process.

Whenever you find yourself doubting, catch yourself and say, “I’m getting closer and closer to my goals every day. The universe has my back and it’s awesome.”

Repeat this phrase until you start believing it.

Step 5: Receive and acknowledge what you get: The universe is always giving you help, but it’s easy to miss the signs, especially when they come in unexpected ways. When you start to acknowledge and receive signs from the universe, the universe will give you more of what you want.

Make a gratitude list to help with sourcing and expressing gratitude. Here are a couple ways to do this.

Make a huge list of all the things you’re thankful for. Add to the list whenever you think of something else.

Make a list every night (or every morning) of some things you appreciate in your life right now.

Step 6: Keep Your Vibration High: According to the Law of Attraction, you attract what you are sending out. To attract more of what you want, you have to raise your vibration. Vibrations are like little radio signals you are continuously sending out to the universe. You must tune your signal to a frequency worthy of receiving it.

Some people are blessed with a vivid imagination. Close your eyes and see your desires getting fulfilled in your mind’s eye. Picture it as clearly as you can. Feel your presence in the moment of manifestation, feel the joy. Use all your senses- vision, feelings, sound, smell taste whichever is applicable.

All you have to do is to feel joy.

By spending 10-15 minutes a day (at least) doing something that makes you feel good, anything from watching a YouTube video or meditating, you’re ensuring your vibration stays high. Remember, a crappy mood means you’re going to be rewarded with crap. Staying positive is the easiest way to be certain good things are coming.

Step 7: Clear your resistance: If you haven’t yet manifested what you want, it’s likely you are resisting what the universe has to offer. Doubts, pain, procrastination, frustrations, anxiety, fears, regrets and resentments are all forms of resistance. And they are totally normal.

Many people have limiting beliefs which keep them from allowing abundance and happiness into their lives. If this describes you, realize that you must first change your limiting beliefs into thoughts that you are deserving, worthy, lovable, desirable, and capable—as well as smart enough, strong enough, attractive enough, rich enough, good enough, and “enough” in every other way that matters to you.

When you notice conflict coming up, acknowledge it and remind yourself to breath and relax. It might sound something like, “I’m frustrated again. I’m resisting again. I get it. All I have to do now is breath, relax, and let go of the negative feelings. “

Manifesting your desires is completely and entirely possible but, to do so, you must use ALL the steps.

Manifesting Money into Your Life

Most of us crave financial stability in our lives. Accordingly, we work hard to earn money and live our lives with ease. However, the Law of Attraction provides us with a simple yet successful way of attracting money towards ourselves. Manifest the money you want in your life. Simply believe to achieve it and enjoy it, and you will receive it as well.

Attracting money with the help of the Law of Attraction works in the same way as it works for anything else you desire to achieve in life. The thing that makes manifesting money difficult is our own stress, worries and doubts that are constantly channeling negative energy into the Universe, adding to the distance present between you and your well-deserved pot of gold.

If you’re serious about manifesting money into your life, you can’t just wish it. You can’t just hope for it. You can’t just want it. You quite literally have to expect it. You have to accept that it will come to pass no matter what. That’s how the Law of Attraction works.

However, beyond the mere expectation of money to arrive, there are other ways to go about actually manifesting your so-called rain of cash. Just keep in mind that you can’t waver in your expectation. While bad things might happen to you, as long as you hold that expectation high enough, it will come to pass over time.

Common Mistakes People Make in Attracting Money

Did you know that there are common mistakes that people make when attempting to attract money and other forms of abundance? Some of these mistakes are:

Getting frustrated with their current circumstances so they keep focusing on lack.

Constantly "looking" at their current circumstances to see if anything has changed yet.

Being inconsistent with the techniques and time they put in to the process.

Giving 90% of their focus to things they DON'T want, and 10% to things they DO want.

Doubting that they have what it takes to attract more money.

Unfortunately, most people have no idea they are doing these things - and they ultimately conclude that the Law of Attraction doesn't work and give up.

Manifest money fast is a process of adopting new empowering beliefs that will allow you to shift your vibration. As your, vibration begins to change, you develop yourself into a suitable container for money, abundance, and prosperity. Think of it this way, and you would never pour water into a paper bag. A paper bag is not a fitting container for liquids. Glass, however, is perfect for holding water. The only question left to ask is if the glass you hold is large enough for the amount of water you want to drink? Individuals with a poverty mindset spend most of their time attracting poverty. Remember when it comes to the Law of Attraction, likes to attract likes. 100% of the time a scarcity mindset is held because of a person’s core beliefs and values.

To Sum it Up

Follow the steps above and truly believe in the strength of positive thinking. Attract health, wealth, and happiness and create the ideal life for yourself. It is all possible if you simply believe. Ask the Universe for what you want to achieve and watch as the Universe answers you by granting you your deepest desires.

To attract positive change into your life, you need to be emitting positive energy into the universe and the best way to usually do this is to act ‘as if’. Therefore, don’t just tell yourself what you want through affirmation; act as though you already have it. One great tip for making this easier is to say ‘thank-you’ at the beginning of your affirmations – this can help to convince your subconscious that you are already enjoying something.

Now that you understand the Law of Attraction, you can harness this power in your own life. A first step would be to test your own habitual thought patterns to see whether you tend toward optimism or pessimism and learn more about changing habitual patterns of thought.

Be sure that your thoughts, feelings, and behavior all focus on your goals, rather than your frustrations with your situation, or any negative feelings you may have. Keep your self-talk positive and optimistic; engage in visualizations each day that reflect the life you want; work on your plan of action. If you do this, you should find you make quick strides in the life you want.

Now is the time to start; your future is in your hands!

A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks he becomes. - Gandhi

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life

What are you grateful for today?

If you take a look around, you will rarely see people smiling or expressing happiness. Unless you’re with a group of kids, I’m sure the number of unhappy people far outweigh the happy.

Why is that? Where did we go wrong? Why are there so many unhappy people?

The reason is very simple, we always look for a reason to be happy and also associate happiness with everything we want, like money, health, popularity etc. We also imagine a happy life as an idyllic situation, where everything is perfect as we wanted.

Unfortunately, there is always something that it isn’t as we wanted and that is what stops us from being happy. No matter how hard we to try to achieve, the moments of happiness flies away and makes us feel really frustrated and down.

Again we give ourselves some goals, thinking when we would have achieved them we would have been happy but alas! It is just a temporary happiness, in fact, we keep confusing joy and pleasure with happiness. Pleasure is normally temporary, happiness lasts.

We are trapped in the vicious cycle of waiting to be happy and when we have achieved what we wanted we are happy just for a while and then back to square one.

You can imagine, how frustrating it is.

"Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn't stop to enjoy it." -- William Feather

Why are we unhappy?

Now it’s time to understand the reasons for our unhappiness.

Stop reading for a moment and think of the main reason why you are not happy.

Anyone of us can have various different reasons, we are all unique, and the world probably would be boring if we were all the same.

It’s important to understand the reasons why we are not happy and question them because sometimes we don’t feel good enough or we feel not to be at par with the standards created by our society, so in this case, they are not our reasons. We have in our mind how things should be, a sense of perfection which has been created over the years by absorbing it from people around us, from the media, from our society etc. So if we don’t reach these standards that we have in our mind, then we think we are not good enough and so we are not happy. That’s why is very important to learn to question our reasons and our beliefs.

Happiness is a choice!

We need to make a decision to live a happy life and we need to change our attitudes accordingly. Happiness is also a mental state and since we can create our mental state we can create our happiness. We also have some tools to work with to keep staying in a happy frame of mind, like gratitude, living the present which is the only moment we are alive and we can be happy.

It all might seem like hard work, but it’s not, it’s all about how to creating a habit, so we can have a pleasant journey and see the magic start.

What is Gratitude?

Gratitude is the appreciation of what is valuable and meaningful to oneself; it is a general state of thankfulness and/or appreciation.

Gratitude is a way for people to appreciate what they have instead of always reaching for something new in the hopes it will make them happier, or thinking they can't feel satisfied until every physical and material need is met. Gratitude helps people refocus on what they have instead of what they lack. And, although it may feel contrived at first, this mental state grows stronger with use and practice. 

I don't have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness - it's right in front of me if I'm paying attention and practicing gratitude. Brene Brown

Why practice Gratitude

The majority of empirical studies indicate that there is an association between gratitude and a sense of overall well-being. However, there are several studies that indicate potential nuances in the relationship between gratitude and well-being as well as studies with negative findings. In terms of assessing gratitude, numerous assessment measures are available. 

From a clinical perspective, there are suggested therapeutic exercises and techniques to enhance gratitude, and they appear relatively simple and easy to integrate into psychotherapy practice. However, the therapeutic efficacy of these techniques remains largely unknown. Only future research will clarify the many questions around assessment, potential benefits, and enhancement of gratitude.

One of the things these studies show is that practicing gratitude can increase happiness levels by around 25%. This is significant, among other things, because just as there’s a certain weight that feels natural to your body and which your body strives to maintain, your basic level of happiness is set at a predetermined point. If something bad happens to you during the day, your happiness can drop momentarily, but then it returns to its natural set-point. Likewise, if something positive happens to you, your level of happiness rises, and then it returns once again to your “happiness set-point”. 

A practice of gratitude raises your “happiness set-point” so you can remain at a higher level of happiness regardless of outside circumstances.

Gratitude and Happiness

People tend to take for granted the good that is already present in their lives. One of the most powerful ways to understand gratitude is to imagine losing some of the things that you take for granted, such as your home, your ability to see or hear, your ability to walk, or anything that currently gives you comfort. Then imagine getting each of these things back, one by one, and consider how grateful you would be for each and every one. In addition, you need to start finding joy in the small things instead of holding out for big achievements—such as getting the promotion, having a comfortable nest egg saved up, getting married, having the baby, and so on–before allowing yourself to feel gratitude and joy.

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough." -- Oprah Winfrey

Another way to use giving thanks to appreciate life more fully is to use gratitude to help you put things in their proper perspective. When things don’t go your way, remember that every difficulty carries within it the seeds of an equal or greater benefit. In the face of adversity ask yourself: “What’s good about this?”, “What can I learn from this?”, and “How can I benefit from this?”

Once you become oriented toward looking for things to be grateful for, you will find that you begin to appreciate simple pleasures and things that you previously took for granted. Gratitude should not be just a reaction to getting what you want, but an all-the-time gratitude, the kind where you notice the little things and where you constantly look for the good even in unpleasant situations. Today, start bringing gratitude to your experiences, instead of waiting for a positive experience in order to feel grateful; in this way, you’ll be on your way toward becoming a master of gratitude.

Affirmation and Source of goodness

Gratitude has two components.

First, it’s an affirmation of goodness. We affirm that there are good thing in the world, gifts and benefits we’ve received. This doesn’t mean that life is perfect; it doesn’t ignore complaints, burdens, and hassles. But when we look at life as a whole, gratitude encourages us to identify some amount of goodness in our life.

The second part of gratitude is figuring out where that goodness comes from. We recognize the sources of this goodness as being outside of ourselves. It didn’t stem from anything we necessarily did ourselves in which we might take pride. We can appreciate positive traits in ourselves, but I think true gratitude involves a humble dependence on others: We acknowledge that other people—or even higher powers, if you’re of a spiritual mind-set, gave us many gifts, big and small, to help us achieve the goodness in our lives.

Gratitude and law of attraction

One way to leverage the law of attraction and attract more of what you want in life is to be grateful for what you already have, even if it is not enough. We spend so much of our time and energy focusing on what we don’t have that we often neglect to appreciate what we do have. Instead of focusing on the one relationship you don’t have, focus and be grateful for all the wonderful friends and family you do have. Instead of focusing on your debts, focus on the richness of your life, the beauty of the sunset, the pure joy of tickling your youngest child, the delicious food on your table…

To remind yourself of all the wonderful things you have, at the end of each day take a few minutes to write down everything that you are grateful for in a diary or journal. It could be your health, a loving spouse, a beautiful home or a cup of hot cocoa. No matter how rough a day, there is always something or someone to be grateful for—a partner to come home to who will listen to you, a dog that adores you, a warm bed to sleep in or just that you survived that day with your limbs still intact.

“None is more impoverished than the one who has no gratitude. Gratitude is a currency that we can mint for ourselves, and spend without fear of bankruptcy.” -- Fred De Witt Van Amburgh

Focusing on things you're grateful for helps attract even more things to be grateful for. True enough! But that's not the only reason - and in fact, it's definitely not the most powerful reason.

More important than your focus is the ENERGETIC SIGNAL you are emitting when you focus on gratitude!

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Melody Beattie

The Law of Attraction works according to your thoughts, feelings, beliefs and expectations, right? When you focus on gratitude, you are thinking, feeling, believing in and expecting: Happiness. Abundance. Security. Blessings. Contentment. Generally, you are telling the universe that all is right in your world!

Give thanks for the feet and legs that carry you through your days, for the air rushing into your lungs, for the eyes that enable you to gaze in wonder at the world around you - and so much more! Express sincere gratitude for every, tiny, little thing you see, hear, feel, do or experience throughout the entire day. I'm sure you can imagine, that can be a lot to be grateful for!

As the Bible records, “When he saw he was healed, he came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan” (v. 15-16).

How to express gratitude?

Here are five potent ways to cultivate gratitude on a regular basis.

Express gratitude and appreciate in person. If there is someone who had a special impact in your life by his action, words or influence, make sure you appreciate the goodwill gesture of the person instantly with a big smile on your face. Or else, you may call him up and thank him expressing your thankfulness. Make it a practice and you will experience the magic of gratitude instantly.

Write a thank-you note. You can make yourself happier and nurture your relationship with another person by writing a thank-you note or letter/email expressing your gratitude and appreciation of that person's impact on your life. Send it, or better yet, deliver and read it in person if possible. Make a habit of sending at least one gratitude letter/ email a month. Once in a while, write one to yourself.

Thank someone mentally. I there is no time to write, which is a rare instance, it may help just to think about someone who has done something nice for you, and mentally thank the individual. Visualize you are thanking that person and he is happily accepting your gratitude.

Write a gratitude journal. Make it a habit to write down five gifts of gratitude you've received each day. If you feel that five reasons to be happy for is difficult to find, you must think of small instances which you might have overlooked or not paid attention towards them.

Count your blessings. Pick a time every week to sit down and write about your blessings — reflecting on what went right or what you are grateful for. Sometimes it helps to pick a number — such as three to five things — that you will identify each week. As you write, be specific and think about the sensations you felt when something good happened to you.

"Thankfulness is the beginning of gratitude. Gratitude is the completion of thankfulness. Thankfulness may consist merely of words. Gratitude is shown in acts." Henri Frederic Amiel

Forgiveness is Therapeutic. Forgiving Heals the Soul

To Err Is Human…to Forgive Is Divine!

The problem and the quest

We live in a society, where we constantly encounter hundreds of situations we do not like, which may vary from something as small as someone stubbing our toe accidentally and unintentionally to having a disagreement with our partner every day till we decide to get separated and move on. Whenever we are prevented from fulfilling our wishes, or forced into a situation we dislike – in short, whenever we have to put up with something we would rather avoid – our uncontrolled mind reacts by immediately feeling unhappy. This uncomfortable feeling can easily turn into anger, and we become even more disturbed than before. However, try as we might, we cannot prevent unpleasant things happening to us. We cannot promise that for the rest of the day nothing bad will happen to us; we cannot even promise that we shall be alive to see the end of the day. In this world, we are not always in control of what happens to us.

Some people start to blame everyone around them as soon as anything bad happens. While the habit of blaming others is very common still there is no one common reason behind it but instead, there are many different reasons that could make a person blame others. But blaming circumstance is one thing. Blaming people, especially those close to us, when things don’t go well is another. And it and can have a severely damaging effect on our relationships, families, and career. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.

We are all flawed human beings. In relationships, mistakes happen. They often lead to disagreement, strife, sorrow, or a sense of betrayal. These traumatic experiences of being physically or emotionally abused by someone close to you can leave you with lasting feelings of anger and bitterness — even vengeance. Many people hold grudges, deep ones, that can last a lifetime. Many are unable to let go of the anger they feel towards those who “wronged” them in the past, even though they may have a strong desire and put in a concerted effort to do so.

Often, we hold onto our grudges unwillingly, while wishing we could drop them and live freshly in the present, without the injustices of the past occupying so much psychic space. Why do we hold grudges when they are in fact quite painful to maintain, and often seem to work against what we really want? Why do we keep wounds open and active, living in past experiences of pain which prevent new experiences from being able to happen? What keeps us stuck when we want to move on and let go? Most important, how can we let go? Let us seek answers to all these questions.

Why Forgiveness

When someone you care about hurts you, you can choose to hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you. Though you may think of God as the final dispenser of forgiveness, you and I have the power to forgive as well. Doing so can help us avoid bitterness and resentment and often will salvage a relationship.

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you or making up with the person who caused the harm. Forgiveness brings an improved health and peace of mind that helps you go on with life. Some people are naturally more forgiving than others. But even if you're a grudge holder, almost anyone can learn to be more forgiving. Let us see how forgiveness can help take responsibility for caring about our own suffering and heal our lives in the most amazing ways possible.

Forgiveness is for our own growth and happiness. When we hold on to hurt, pain, resentment, and anger it harms us far more than it harms the offender.

The act of forgiveness frees us to live in the present and allows us to move on without anger or contempt or seeking revenge.

As Confucius said about revenge, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”

This applies as much to the spirit of anger behind the desire for revenge as much as to revenge itself. Envision a chain around your neck, held by the one who wronged you. Until you can forgive, you won’t break that chain and the person will still have an unhealthy hold on you. Forgiveness clears the cobwebs so that you can see the good again. 

When you forgive you will be able to see all the positive qualities in the person who hurt you—qualities that you loved once—and allows you to accept him or her fully, and have a chance at a long-lasting, healthy relationship. By forgiving others, we free ourselves spiritually and emotionally. Forgiveness is an act of our own personal will, trusting God to bring emotional healing.

Whom to forgive

How can you forget the unforgettable? How can you forgive the unforgivable? All that's really required is that we make the decision to move forward, to let go of the old hurts. We don't have to condone what's been done. What's wrong is still wrong. We don't have to invite the person back into our lives or even be friends with them. What we do have to do is allow ourselves to release all the negative emotions associated with that person.

The ground rule to forgiveness is to take your time to process your anger and hurt. Do not rush.

The first person you probably have not forgiven is yourself. More people have a lack of forgiveness toward themselves than toward anybody else. We are unwilling to forgive ourselves as many a time we blame ourselves for our contribution to the wrong that has happened.

You must get rid of resentment, especially toward those closest to you. The husbands, the wives, the children, and the parents - all must be forgiven when slights and resentments have built up in family situations.

If someone very close to you needs to be forgiven, talk to the person, tell him or her how you have felt in past because of his or her behaviour, but since you value that person and the relationship, you chose not to hold on to the feeling of anger and resentment, but to reconcile. Explain that you are choosing to forgive and let go of the emotional pain that both of you might be bearing unknowingly.

You can talk to a close friend or life coach or mentor about your thoughts and your intent of forgiveness, or write it out in a journal.

Be sure you understand your feelings and express them. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. As difficult as this may be, trying to understand why he or she harmed you and your relationship is very important.

If the hurt took place in a past relationship and you can’t seem to get out from under the anger, resentment, or heartache that it caused, practice internal forgiveness.

Finally, there has to be forgiveness for anybody else who has ever done anything against you. It may be that your resentment is justified. The person may have done a very evil, terrible thing to you. You may have every legal and intellectual right to hold a grudge and to hate that person. But if you want to see miracles in your life, it is imperative that you forgive.

The next level of forgiveness is to forget and let go

We've all heard the saying "forgive and forget" which is a great philosophy that applies to most situations in life. However, there are times when the "forget" part might not be the best thing for us. You can forgive but you don't always have to forget. We should be strong with our personal boundaries and we must be willing to face the truth about people and their behaviour--even our own!

If forgetting means that we are not being honest about our feelings or that we're letting others take advantage of us then it is not healthy. Sometimes the best thing we can do is remember. So how do we remember and remain compassionate while keeping healthy boundaries? By understanding that compassion must first be placed upon ourselves. If we are continually putting compassion out but forgetting to respect ourselves we are asking for trouble.

Self-reflection, the law of Karma and Forgiveness

This is when we get into, "Why do bad things happen to me? I am a good person!" But if we compassionately looked at ourselves and told someone who was hurting us, "No, you cannot treat me this way. I need to separate from you" then that is actually the most compassionate thing we could do for that person as well as us.

People need to know the effects of their deeds or Karma. This helps us take responsibility for our lives and release the need to blame others for our troubles. You can now realize how can you make your life happy and peaceful. Still, we will have people in our lives who would wrong us in some ways. Let us take it as an opportunity to revisit our own karma, learn the lesson, forgive and forget. 

To feel free, happy and satisfied, we need to constantly forgive and forget; not just to extend our love to everyone, even the people who hurt us, but also to show our love to ourselves.

“It is in forgiving that we are forgiven, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.” – Saint Francis of Asisi

According to great spiritual teachers including Master Choa Kok Sui, two things bind souls together: love and hatred.

By loving a person deeply, there are higher chances of meeting and being with the beloved soul in the future incarnations. These are the people that we love and feel comfortable and connected with even from the first few moments of being together.

The sad news is that “hatred” also binds souls together as there is a lesson in the relationship to be learned. The lesson is that of love, kindness, mercy, empathy and compassion!

Therefore, the relationship between the two souls who hate each other often gets closer and closer, to teach them to love one another.

“Anger and Hatred bind people together! When you Hate someone, it creates an “Energy Link” with the person. You become chained to the person and your Soul becomes entangled with that person. If you want to be free, you must Forgive people.” – Master Choa Kok Sui

The good news, on the other hand, is that to break this cycle, forgiveness of one person is enough!

So, to avoid being with the people that seem to be a pain in the neck to us, we need to forgive them, forget the unpleasant event and let go. We can keep on blessing them with love while keeping our distance from them.

Practicing Forgiveness

1. The Virtue of Loving Kindness and Non-Injury: In any relationship, the closer two people get, more are the chances of friction. The lubricant for this is love in thoughts, words and actions. As we practice a high degree of loving kindness, we can transform the relationship. When we practice non-injury, our tendencies to become angry or to lose patience are gradually eliminated. When external circumstances and people can no longer stir up our emotions, we can truly be peaceful and healthy. 

Loving-kindness and non-injury need to be practiced towards self too. Whereas it is important to be aware of our shortcomings, excessive remorse and guilt need to be avoided since we tend to become what we meditate on. If we do not love ourselves, it is not possible to love others. Hence, it is extremely essential to practice Inner Reflection and other self-purification techniques to eliminate these weaknesses.

2. Blessing: One of the simplest ways of improving or healing a relationship is by blessing. First, we make a list of the people who have hurt us or who we do not share a good relationship with. One by one, we need to bless these people or pray to God for blessing them with all the qualities which they may require like love, peace, compassion, physical and emotional healing, prosperity and abundance, and spiritual development.

3. Affirmation for Forgiveness: This technique is taught by Grand Master Choa Kok Sui and is extremely powerful tool for forgiveness. Begin by visualizing the person in front of you. Then you may silently say:

“I respect the Divinity within you! You are forgiven. The Matter is forgotten. God’s love be with you. May God’s peace be with you. Go in peace.”

This needs to be repeated multiple times till the feeling of hatred and anger is completely dissipated. 

Do note that we need to first forgive other people before we ask for forgiveness from others.

4. Meditation: Practicing Meditation (like the Meditation on Twin Hearts as taught by Grand Master Choa Kok Sui ) is one of the simplest and most effective ways of leading a balanced life. By practicing meditation regularly, one’s inner negative thoughts and emotions are transmuted to higher energies of love, joy and peace. Before we replace the qualities of hatred, sorrow and anger with love, joy and peace on the earth, these energies first pass through us. Thus, the world within us is transformed before we try to transform the world outside.

5. The Golden Rule: The Golden Rule is the tool to create our future. It has two sides – yang and yin; active and passive. The Yang Golden Rule states that we should do to others what we want them to do to us. If we want others to love and respect us, we need to love and respect them. The Yin Golden Rule states that we must avoid doing to others what we do not want them to do to us. If we do not want others to be harsh or excessively criticize us, we must avoid cruelty and harshness, and refrain from excessive mental criticism.

So, to put this into proper context: none of us are perfect, and we have all made mistakes and have done dumb things. If you want to be forgiven for your own actions, then the smart thing is to first forgive others. The Golden Rule is simple in its meaning, yet profound in its application. Before any thought, speech or action that we produce, if we just think about the Golden Rule and proceed accordingly, our lives will be transformed.

Though these techniques sound very simple, they are extremely potent. Let us put these into practice immediately. May we forgive ourselves and others completely so there comes a day when there is no need to forgive anymore; because ‘to Err Is Human…to Forgive Is Divine’.

The conclusion

Anger and resentment burn us from inside. They not only keep peace away from us but also affect our health. The energy that we generate from all the anger and resentment is very dirty and this negative energy can affect physical, mental and emotional well-being. In the long run, accumulation of this negativity may bring in dissatisfaction, sadness, and depression. It is like carrying a huge load on our back. 

Also, if we cannot forgive, we cannot expect forgiveness from others and we keep being the object of resentment and anger of the people we have done wrong to. To receive forgiveness, we need to learn to forgive first. We need to give what we want to receive. It is as Master says that "By Forgiving and Blessing, you stop wallowing in mud and you achieve Inner Peace and Freedom" . 

Let’s not forget, “Forgiveness is Therapeutic. Forgiving Heals the Soul.”

From Young Manager to Future Leader

Leadership skills for new managers

Effective management is an important part of any business. When people are empowered with the responsibility to manage others, it speaks strongly of their accomplishments, work ethic and capability for leading and helping others.

The first time you become a manager, you feel affirmative and motivated; but at the same time, it can be an enormous task to achieve. This often contributes to an overwhelming experience and sometimes can even make you feel scared. Because being manager means that from now onwards you will be trusting your own intuition, make informed decisions and be accountable for your decisions. Not every decision taken will pan out the way you want, and you’re going to have to learn to accept mistakes and move on to new initiatives.

 Management is not an easy task to accomplish. It requires a multitude of skills including areas that generally get better with time when you focus on crucial processes such as creative thinking, excellence, communication, coaching, motivating etc.

But everyone needs to start somewhere and I have highlighted a few important skills that can make the transition from being an individual contributor to a manager an easy and gratifying process. Most importantly, now that you have been promoted as a manager, try flourish as a leader.

1. Master the business

Do clearly understand what you and your employees are accountable for delivering. Most of the times your subordinates are not clear about their deliverables.

We work in a constantly changing business environment. Organizations finetune their business strategy to stay ahead of competition and enhance revenue. Government regulations also keep changing. Such dynamic business gives rise to questions and confusion in the minds of employees. If not addressed properly, this may result in a gap in knowledge, which pulls down the performance of the team.

So be prepared to bridge this gap. Explain their job and goals in details, address questions from your direct reports and consider making them understand the broader perspective of the company – such as the vision, mission and core values of the organization. Link their individual goals with organizational goals. Remember, when all parties are clear about the goals, strategies and actions expected, it creates a foundation for being productive and results-oriented.

Spend time with senior leaders to understand the reason behind the strategic decisions, be aware of what is happening across the business and what your competitors are up to, so you can confidently provide support and direction to your team.

2. Be clear and communicate unambiguously

One of the biggest mistakes new managers make is assuming everyone understands clearly what is expected and that they will do it with perfection. Often you team members also rely on assumption and do not feel the necessity of asking probing questions and open the room for discussion.

This is a pitfall. Minimizing your communication with your employees is the road to failure. So, encourage open discussion and listen to your employees' ideas, issues and concerns. Give them freedom to get the work done while you still being available for guidance.

Priorities may change quite often in some organizations. This requires good communication to keep the team working in the right spirit as well as getting the error-free result accomplished on time.

3. Lead by example

It’s likely that you were asked to be a manager, because you were great at doing whatever your discipline demanded. You worked hard to achieve a certain level of trust which resulted in your success and your promotion as a manager.

Now that you are a manager, people are going to look up to you when they need inspiration and start taking you as a paragon. The values you inculcate, the respect you demonstrate for individuals, the way you handle adversity and ambiguity, and the way you persevere through the toughest of times, is now considered so set a standard for how others will act and behave.

You need to be very conscious of your emotions, actions and reactions. You need to loosen up, calm down, be patient, be assertive and develop a cognizant attitude, so you can lead in a way that people will admire and appreciate.

4. Learn the subtle art of delegation

Coming from an individual contributor role, you’re used to getting involved in the details of an assignment—keeping track of all the tasks, the phone calls you need to return, and the documentation of your notes.

During your initial days as a manager, it will be a habitual attraction to take an account of all the specifics that your team is working on. You must accept the fact that you cannot be everywhere at once. Trying to be vigilant on all the tasks of your subordinates will turn you into a micromanager, which can work adversely on the morale of your team.

By shifting your focus more on result than on process, you will create room to invest your energy on important and critical issues, emphasise on process optimization and revenue generation.

Instil a culture of ownership, cooperation and knowledge sharing amongst your subordinates to make this an easier process. While still being informed, you need to let others lead, so they can grow their abilities and perspective. Mastery of the art of effective delegation needs time, but you need to actively build your trust on the skills and capability of your team members.

5. Accept changes in relationship

Often first-time managers find themselves managing people who were once their peers or people they have nurtured a personal relationship with. This creates an environment where ego takes the lead and sours the personal relationship.

You must realize and accept, when you become their manager the relationship changes, and you need to be transparent about that. You are now their boss and you will need to wear that hat when you are in the office. You can never allow your personal relationships affect business decisions. And you need to be fair and impartial irrespective of the extent of your friendliness with your people.

You must set right expectations and have clear conversation upfront that things have changed. Even if starting a conversation feels weird, it is better to clarify this in the initial days and leave no space for confusion.

6. Be proactive and take new initiatives

As a manager, you’re now the one responsible for figuring out how you and your staff can accomplish broader team goals and start looking for creative solution to problems. And if there’s something you think your process is lacking, take it as an opportunity to improve and accomplish it. Your managerial ability is perceived in best way if you find those gaps and fix them without waiting for your boss to tell you to do so. This will bring you in limelight and make your efforts visible to your superiors.

Do not be afraid of trying out new things. Take calculated risks and make the effort. The worst that can happen while taking up a new initiative is that it may not go as per plan, or might fail to fetch desired result. But that’s okay! Rather than taken it as a failure, take it as a learning and move ahead.

7. Be obsessed with learning

The legendary Steve Jobs in his ending comment in the Stanford Commencement in 2005 suggested the present generation to “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” And it has become even more relevant today in the face of changing business scenarios. Industry regulations and technological advancements are moving at such a faster pace that you always need to stay one step ahead of the game.

To stay engaged and motivated, have an appetite for learning, and absorb as much as possible. Work will be a whole lot more interesting when you’re constantly venturing in new ideas, testing them out, and using them to push yourself and your team forward.

As you can see, continuous learning can be a key ingredient in your success. In addition, as knowledge becomes obsolete at a faster and faster rate, keeping your personal knowledge base up-to-date is quickly becoming a matter of survival!

8. Provide coaching and feedback

While managing the performance of the employees is the key responsibility of the manager, coaching and providing feedback regularly is an increasingly important part of a modern manager's job. It’s impossible for people to develop without coaching and feedback.

Performance coaching is an ongoing process which helps build and maintain effective employee and supervisory relationships. Performance coaching can help identify an employee's growth potential, identify areas of improvement, and develop new skills. Using their coaching skills, supervisors should evaluate and address the developmental needs of their employees and work coactively on developing plans that might help them gain necessary skills.

If your team aren’t aware of what they can improve, it doesn’t allow them to change or really build upon what’s going well. So, provide well-crafted feedback to employees in the right spirit on a consistent basis. Feedback is useful and meaningful when it is provided immediately or very soon after the performance has occurred or behaviour is exhibited. A stale feedback is a wastage of time.

It’s not only important to be timely with your constructive feedback, but also in recognizing and celebrating achievements. Remember the old saying ““Praise in public, reprimand in private”, which is generally used in context of parenting; but the same holds true even for the adults you are working with. Be sensitive towards people and their self-esteem.

9. Respect individuals and their needs

Treating others the way you want to be treated is the golden rule when it comes to respect for individual, Hold on to your resentment and harsh words in times of stress and anxiety.

Workplace consists of diverse kind of people when it comes to gender, race, ethnic group, age, appearance, personality, work style, ability, tenure, education, thought-process, socio-economic background and many more. Treat everyone equal. Embracing diversity is all about accepting and respecting the differences.

Be sincerely engaged and interested in learning the person’s perspective when listening to them. It is important to get to know your employees, boss and colleagues; their interests and the needs that drive them. This will help the young managers to connect well with the people in the organization, irrespective of the role or designation.

Some employees voice needs openly and others keep things private. As a manager, it is important to pick up nonverbal cues, understand unspoken needs and offer assistance. Building good relationships with everyone will make your work easier and the work environment more productive.

Having good relationships does not mean you have to be best friends with everyone, or go out socially or share all your personal feelings and events. A good relationship is constructive, productive and self-corrective and engages in mutual respect and understanding.

10. Exhibit strong integrity

Integrity is one of the fundamental values that employers seek in the employees that they hire. It is the hallmark of a person who demonstrates sound moral and ethical principles at work.

Honesty and trust are central to integrity. Acting with honour and truthfulness are also basic tenets in a manager with integrity. A manager who has integrity, values his relationship with co-workers, customers, and stakeholders, strongly follows work ethics, and live a life of esteem and dignity.

Managers who demonstrate integrity draw others to them because they are trustworthy and dependable. They are principled and can be counted on to behave in honourable ways even when no one is watching.

Don’t play games with people, be ambiguous or try to impress everyone with being someone you are not. Always be truthful and transparent. Engaging in office politics or gossip is a quick way to lose credibility, compromise your career and degrade your image to be a good manager.

To sum it up

Being yourself and learning more about best practices in management will help you develop your knowledge and skills to be a great manager. Managing other people is an art and a science that can be learnt and manifested.

Becoming an effective, inspiring leader takes time. Find a fine balance—between moving too fast and not making an effort at all, between exerting your authority and not becoming overpowering, and between being enthusiastic and staying realistic.

The journey from being a manager to a leader is a delicate process. Aspire to learn continually with a sensitive and open mind and you’ll not even realize when you started to lead and when people started to follow you.  Just remember, it’s a learning curve and a rewarding process. Enjoy it!

Happy journey!