Empathy replaces defensive energy with positive energy

Let’s begin with a story

An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo.  Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws.

 "You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella.

 Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek.

"Freckles are beautiful." The boy looked up, "Really?"

 "Of course," said the grandmother.  "Why just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles."

The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face and softly whispered, "Wrinkles.

Moral of the story: "Empathy is about standing in someone else's shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes. Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place."--Daniel H. Pink.

The concern

Empathy is a powerful communication skill that is often misunderstood and underused.

Although most of us consider empathy a valuable and basic human trait, it often goes missing in day-to-day life. Just think of the major disconnect between many managers and their teams. Or how it's so easy to hurt those whom we love, simply because we can't see things from their perspective.

People who struggle with the impact of too much emphasis on acquiring, both things and people, and have equated that with mental health, success and maturity. In reality, that mentality promotes increasing vanity and self-importance. Then, you become increasingly alienated from your own heart. You equate what you have with who you are.

And that’s a killer for empathy, because you’re now ripe for the delusion that you’re completely independent and self-sufficient. You lose touch with the true reality, that all humans are interconnected and interdependent - all organs of the same body, so to speak. Your sense of being a part of a larger interwoven network - which is absolutely necessary for survival in today’s world - fades away; so does your awareness that we have to sink or swim together, help each other, and sustain the planet we inhabit - or else we’re all in deep trouble.

The net result of this social conditioning is the decline of empathy and a failure to recognize that we’re all one, bound together. You only see yourself. And I think that’s a bona fide emotional disorder in our times — in effect, a “social psychosis.”

So, let’s discuss about empathy today.

What is empathy

Empathy is, at its simplest, awareness of the feelings and emotions of other people.

Empathy can also be considered as the "capacity" to share and understand another’s "state of mind" or emotion. It is often characterized as the ability to “put oneself into another’s shoes”, or in some way experience the point of view or emotions of another being within oneself.

Three Types of Empathy

Psychologists have identified three types of empathy: cognitive empathy, emotional empathy and compassionate empathy.

Cognitive empathy is understanding someone’s thoughts and emotions, in a very rational, rather than emotional sense.

Emotional empathy is also known as emotional contagion, and is ‘catching’ someone else’s feelings, so that you literally feel them too.

Compassionate empathy is understanding someone’s feelings, and taking appropriate action to help.

Empathy and Sympathy

It is very easy to confuse empathy with its closely related cousin sympathy.

So, it is important to understand the difference.

Sympathy is defined by Merriam-Webster as "the feeling that you care about and are sorry about someone else's trouble, grief, misfortune, etc.", or "a feeling of support for something." In contrast, empathy is "the feeling that you understand and share another person's feelings and emotions."

Sympathy is a great quality and can be extremely useful, but it's limited.  For example, imagine a colleague goes through a difficult personal situation, such as a divorce or the loss of a family member. We naturally feel sympathy. We may even write a card or attempt to express our feelings somehow (sometimes awkwardly). For the most part, though, we move on with our lives.

Empathy goes far beyond sympathy, which might be considered ‘feeling for’ someone. Empathy, instead, is ‘feeling with’ that person, using imagination.

But showing empathy isn't as easy as it sounds. The problem is, even though we yearn for others to try fitting into our shoes, we're often not ready to do the same for them. We see this every day in the form of broken marriages, strained parent-child relationships, and deteriorating communication in the workplace. To understand more about the "why" behind this, we need to be aware of what's called "the perspective gap".

Showing empathy takes more time, and requires more effort. We must remember how it felt when we went through similar circumstances (or how we would feel, if we haven't had this experience). We strive to remember how this affected our work and our relationships. Even further, we try to imagine specifically how our colleague feels in this situation, recognizing that every individual will deal with things in his or her own way.

There's a place and time for sympathy, but you'll go a lot further with empathy. In fact, cultivating empathy will do wonders for your relationships. Why?

Because in most cases, empathy begets empathy. When you work hard to walk in another person's shoes, they'll be moved to do the same for you.

And that gets the best out of everyone.

Empathy and Emotional intelligence

Empathy is the key element of Emotional Intelligence, the link between self and others, because it is how we as individuals understand what others are experiencing as if we were feeling it ourselves.

Additionally, Emotional Intelligence (EI), often measured as an Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ), describes a concept that involves the ability, capacity, skill or a self-perceived ability, to identify, assess, and manage the emotions of one’s self, of others, and of groups. Because it is a relatively new area of psychological research, the concept is constantly changing. The EQ concept argues that IQ, or conventional intelligence, is too narrow; that there are wider areas of emotional intelligence that dictate and enable how successful we are.

Empathy in workplace

In a transparent world dominated by social media, corporations are feeling the need to become truly responsive to the needs of their customers and employees. The corporate world is an increasingly immediate, intimate, and interactive space. The call for companies to engage in authentic dialogue is becoming louder. And yet this desire to change is hampered by the fear of appearing weak and vulnerable, meaning that most businesses still suffer from an empathy deficit.

Empathy is becoming recognised as a vital skill for progressive leaders, and is listed as a core competency for leadership in many modern companies. This leads to the question whether you can teach empathy as a management skill? Can you make someone who struggles with empathy better at displaying this human emotion? Can you give empathy to someone who seems unable to build these connections between themselves and other team members?

If a specific task or process is causing problems, try to work alongside a disgruntled team member, to better understand the person's point of view. Is a change at work causing them problems? Just 15 or 20 minutes working together can do wonders toward helping you to feel their pain.

Whilst it may feel at times as though some colleagues are completely lacking in empathy, it is unlikely that they are truly devoid of this most basic of human emotions. Harnessing and displaying empathy, however, is a different matter, and something many people struggle with, often for fear of appearing weak or overly emotional. Having the emotional intelligence necessary to build powerful personal relationships through showing empathy at work is quickly becoming essential - and the following ideas might help release the natural empathy skills you have already.

Empathy moves us to be more understanding and helps us to be better managers and leaders.

Empathy in customer service and salesforce

Empathy is integral when it comes to understanding what upsets customers and what they respond to positively. Customer service representatives should utilize their empathetic skills to understand exactly what upsets customers when they call their customer service centre and use that knowledge to their advantage.

Demonstrating empathy will show customers that you care and will improve their overall impression of your company, even if they’ve recently had a negative experience. The main goal of customer service is to ensure customers are happy and that they have a positive experience, which is exactly what showing them empathy achieves.

Dealing with emotional customers can become a long and drawn-out process. However, these interactions can be cut down in length when your customer service agents know how to portray their empathy. It’s difficult to communicate with emotional customers much less help them solve their problems, so the first step is to diffuse the situation. Arguing doesn’t help in calming down upset customers but empathy does.

Representatives should express that they understand how the customer is feeling and why they’re upset—this can help calm them down. Once they are calm, it’ll be easier to interact and communicate with them, making the resolution of their issues that much quicker.

When customers are valued and treated as much, they’re more likely to choose your business the next time around—even if they experienced an issue before. Customer service representatives can make all the difference, especially when they show empathy and a true interest in helping. Consumers will be able to sense their genuine attitude, especially when they communicate that they understand their frustrations, and do everything they can to help them.

If empathy comes from having had similar experiences, the easiest way to help customer service employees become more empathetic is to put them in their customers’ shoes.

Another way to put employees in their customers’ shoes is through sharing personal stories from customers. Stories are a powerful way of tapping into our imaginations and helping us understand how the characters may have felt or what they were thinking.

A few suggestions to be more empathetic

So how can you work on becoming more empathetic? Here are a few suggestions:

It is important to work hard to understand the state of mind of the person you are communicating.

Rather than dismiss someone else's problem as complaining, it helps to try to remember how you felt the last time you were severely frustrated by a situation.

Of course, at times our own experience can hinder our ability to show empathy. For instance, if we've dealt much better with a set of circumstances in the past than another person is currently, we might think, Well, what's the big deal?

The key is to try to relate a situation to something that you have felt yourself or some of your close friends or family members faced, and they narrated how difficult it had been for them to cope up with the emotional upheaval.

In other words, try your best to relate the other person's feelings to similar feelings of your own. Then use that as motivation to help.

Showing empathy in this way takes time, but you will often motivate the ones you are trying to help just by showing that you care enough to take this step.

Don't freeze them in time. Every situation is different and every situation is susceptible to change without prior notice. Remember that people, their feelings, and their circumstances change with time. So, keep the lines of communication open, and adapt as necessary.

To Sum it up

Lack of empathy reflects being locked inside a self-centered world, a breeding ground for emotional isolation, disconnection and polarization. That’s highly dangerous in today’s interconnected, globalized world.

By developing empathy, you deepen your understanding and acceptance of how and why people do what they do, and build greater respect for others. From empathy, tolerance grows, and tolerance of differences is an essential part of psychological health. This doesn’t mean whitewashing differences you have with other people, or letting others walk over you. Rather, empathy gives you a stronger, wiser base for resolving conflicts when you have them. You’re able to bridge differences more effectively and with less destructiveness.

Empathy heightens awareness of commonality and connection with fellow humans — people who suffer and struggle with life in many of the same ways you do. Despite the differences like religion, race, or ideology. That’s a path towards a healthy life and a healthy society.

It is time to be a little more conscious about our actions and be more sensitive about others, their need and concerns. "When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That's when you can get more creative in solving problems."--Stephen Covey

Self-reflection is assessing our own self

Let’s begin with a story

A little boy went into a convenience store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over and dragged it to near the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the cradle of the phone and proceeded to dial in phone numbers.  The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation.
Boy: ‘Ma’am, can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): ‘I already have someone to cut my lawn.’
Boy: ‘Ma’am, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now.’
Woman: I’m very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.
Boy: ‘Ma’am, I’ll even sweep your kerb and your sidewalk so you will have neatest and prettiest lawn in your neighbourhood.’
Woman: ‘No, thank you.’
Faced with rejection, the little boy replaced the receiver.
The store-owner, who was listening to the conversation could understand that the boy did not get the job. So, he walked over to the boy.
Store Owner: ‘Son… I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job in my store.’
Boy: ‘No thanks. I already have a job.’
Store Owner: ‘But weren’t you really pleading for one?’
Boy: ‘No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the Job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!’

Moral of the story: This is what we call ‘Self Appraisal’ or “Self-Evaluation”. It plays an important role in the learning process and overall development of an individual. It reflects on the old saying “judging oneself before being judged by the world”.

Why is Self-Evaluation Important?

Most people don’t like to take tests. Some people suffer from anxiety and stress before taking up a test and have a hard time performing well under the pressure of a test. Sometimes tests can seem pointless to one but meaningful to others.

Although tests may not seem very helpful at times still one needs to go through the process of evaluation, which plays a major role in any kind of personal development.

Well, paper-and-pencil standardized tests may sometimes not be able to do complete justice, what is far more important is to develop a process called self-evaluation. Self-evaluation helps in changing your role from a passive observer to an active participant.

Self-evaluation and self-appraisal in business organizations

Business organizations have been practicing self-evaluation for a long time now, most notably at the time of employee appraisals. However, employee self-evaluation has met with limited success as the manager’s decision is the clincher to the performance of an employee. This has led many employees to believe that employee self-evaluation is a drudgery without any effect whatsoever on their careers.
It is very important, therefore, that organizations instill credence and conviction in the employees that self-evaluation is crucial and their feedback is taken earnestly.

It is well understood that in the absence of a proper platform of self-evaluation, many employees may feel that they are deprived of an opportunity to express their accomplishments and contributions to the business. When employees are given an opportunity to evaluate themselves, they become more accountable for themselves and take responsibility for their actions and shows appropriate behaviour.

From self-evaluation to self-reflection

Let us imagine an iceberg floating in the ocean. Only one tenth of the iceberg is visible, while the rest of it lies under the ocean – mighty, terrifying and tantalizing. Our mind works correspondingly. Our conscious mind makes up less than 10 % of our brain function. The enormous rest is our subconscious mind. Our subconscious mind is comprised of unintentional and perpetual thoughts, behaviours, and functions.

The subconscious mind works like an autopilot that stimulates certain behaviours in certain situations. The triggered behaviour doesn’t necessarily lead to the desired results. To add up to this, we often don’t have a clue about why are we doing certain things and why do we feel the way we feel. In some situations, we can even get so perplexed that we completely misinterpret the feedback from the environment, which leads to an entirely wrong decision.

Through self-reflection, we can change how we see ourselves, our thoughts, our actions, our emotions and how we respond to certain circumstances and, at the end, how we react. Consequently, we can also change how other people perceive us.

Self-reflection is consciously assessing our own behaviour and beliefs. If we explore further, self-reflection is about developing inner reflection and seeking answers to thought-provoking questions cropping up in our mind, so that we can develop a deeper level of understanding our own self.

A self-reflection journal

A journal can be our tool for self-reflection and analytical work. When journaling, it is not the goal to down everything that happened to us on a specific day. But to contemplate on why it happened, how did we feel, why did we feel that way, how is that connected to our values and beliefs and so on.

It is all about your thoughts, our perspective, our feelings, our words, our actions and about the feedback from our family and friends and peers. It’s about becoming aware of why we acted like we did,  what is the consequence of our behaviour and at a greater level,  what we desire in life. It aims to get more insights to lead a meaningful life, the values that we live up to, developing clarity and focus, nurturing deeper relationships, identifying cognitive charade and so on.

By far the best way to do self-reflection by journaling is writing things down ourselves. Writing our words by hand connects us more tangibly to what we are writing through the physical connection of pen to paper. There is neuro-scientific evidence that links handwriting with our brain. All we must do is buy a notebook, schedule some time and start writing.

To get the most out of journaling, we should do it consistently, for example, 30 minutes every day before we go to sleep till it becomes a habit and our mind synchronize into the state for self-reflection.

Let’s Summarize

It's easy for busy ambitious people to get lost in their work. They are so busy that a whole year is gone in the blink of an eye. There is no harm in being driven and productive. We must love to accomplish and engage in new activities and opportunities continuously. But it is equally important, if not more, to feel rooted in who we are and the people we choose to include in our lives.

To make sure we keep the connection, we must consciously set aside time for self-reflection, when we consciously unplug from everybody and everything else and focus on developing better communication skills, critical thinking, self-learning, self-awareness, social awareness, empathy, analytical capabilities and sensitivity to differences.

All these will manifest as increased professional value and value for personal relationships, resulting in you having a greater capacity for work, creativity, love and, at the bottom line, being happier.
As Confucius said, “By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is the noblest; second, by imitation, which is the easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest.”
Since we do not deserve bitter experiences in life and we don’t want to only emulate other people, let’s focus on refining ourselves by self-reflection. 

From Young Manager to Future Leader

Leadership skills for new managers

Effective management is an important part of any business. When people are empowered with the responsibility to manage others, it speaks strongly of their accomplishments, work ethic and capability for leading and helping others.

The first time you become a manager, you feel affirmative and motivated; but at the same time, it can be an enormous task to achieve. This often contributes to an overwhelming experience and sometimes can even make you feel scared. Because being manager means that from now onwards you will be trusting your own intuition, make informed decisions and be accountable for your decisions. Not every decision taken will pan out the way you want, and you’re going to have to learn to accept mistakes and move on to new initiatives.

 Management is not an easy task to accomplish. It requires a multitude of skills including areas that generally get better with time when you focus on crucial processes such as creative thinking, excellence, communication, coaching, motivating etc.

But everyone needs to start somewhere and I have highlighted a few important skills that can make the transition from being an individual contributor to a manager an easy and gratifying process. Most importantly, now that you have been promoted as a manager, try flourish as a leader.

1. Master the business

Do clearly understand what you and your employees are accountable for delivering. Most of the times your subordinates are not clear about their deliverables.

We work in a constantly changing business environment. Organizations finetune their business strategy to stay ahead of competition and enhance revenue. Government regulations also keep changing. Such dynamic business gives rise to questions and confusion in the minds of employees. If not addressed properly, this may result in a gap in knowledge, which pulls down the performance of the team.

So be prepared to bridge this gap. Explain their job and goals in details, address questions from your direct reports and consider making them understand the broader perspective of the company – such as the vision, mission and core values of the organization. Link their individual goals with organizational goals. Remember, when all parties are clear about the goals, strategies and actions expected, it creates a foundation for being productive and results-oriented.

Spend time with senior leaders to understand the reason behind the strategic decisions, be aware of what is happening across the business and what your competitors are up to, so you can confidently provide support and direction to your team.

2. Be clear and communicate unambiguously

One of the biggest mistakes new managers make is assuming everyone understands clearly what is expected and that they will do it with perfection. Often you team members also rely on assumption and do not feel the necessity of asking probing questions and open the room for discussion.

This is a pitfall. Minimizing your communication with your employees is the road to failure. So, encourage open discussion and listen to your employees' ideas, issues and concerns. Give them freedom to get the work done while you still being available for guidance.

Priorities may change quite often in some organizations. This requires good communication to keep the team working in the right spirit as well as getting the error-free result accomplished on time.

3. Lead by example

It’s likely that you were asked to be a manager, because you were great at doing whatever your discipline demanded. You worked hard to achieve a certain level of trust which resulted in your success and your promotion as a manager.

Now that you are a manager, people are going to look up to you when they need inspiration and start taking you as a paragon. The values you inculcate, the respect you demonstrate for individuals, the way you handle adversity and ambiguity, and the way you persevere through the toughest of times, is now considered so set a standard for how others will act and behave.

You need to be very conscious of your emotions, actions and reactions. You need to loosen up, calm down, be patient, be assertive and develop a cognizant attitude, so you can lead in a way that people will admire and appreciate.

4. Learn the subtle art of delegation

Coming from an individual contributor role, you’re used to getting involved in the details of an assignment—keeping track of all the tasks, the phone calls you need to return, and the documentation of your notes.

During your initial days as a manager, it will be a habitual attraction to take an account of all the specifics that your team is working on. You must accept the fact that you cannot be everywhere at once. Trying to be vigilant on all the tasks of your subordinates will turn you into a micromanager, which can work adversely on the morale of your team.

By shifting your focus more on result than on process, you will create room to invest your energy on important and critical issues, emphasise on process optimization and revenue generation.

Instil a culture of ownership, cooperation and knowledge sharing amongst your subordinates to make this an easier process. While still being informed, you need to let others lead, so they can grow their abilities and perspective. Mastery of the art of effective delegation needs time, but you need to actively build your trust on the skills and capability of your team members.

5. Accept changes in relationship

Often first-time managers find themselves managing people who were once their peers or people they have nurtured a personal relationship with. This creates an environment where ego takes the lead and sours the personal relationship.

You must realize and accept, when you become their manager the relationship changes, and you need to be transparent about that. You are now their boss and you will need to wear that hat when you are in the office. You can never allow your personal relationships affect business decisions. And you need to be fair and impartial irrespective of the extent of your friendliness with your people.

You must set right expectations and have clear conversation upfront that things have changed. Even if starting a conversation feels weird, it is better to clarify this in the initial days and leave no space for confusion.

6. Be proactive and take new initiatives

As a manager, you’re now the one responsible for figuring out how you and your staff can accomplish broader team goals and start looking for creative solution to problems. And if there’s something you think your process is lacking, take it as an opportunity to improve and accomplish it. Your managerial ability is perceived in best way if you find those gaps and fix them without waiting for your boss to tell you to do so. This will bring you in limelight and make your efforts visible to your superiors.

Do not be afraid of trying out new things. Take calculated risks and make the effort. The worst that can happen while taking up a new initiative is that it may not go as per plan, or might fail to fetch desired result. But that’s okay! Rather than taken it as a failure, take it as a learning and move ahead.

7. Be obsessed with learning

The legendary Steve Jobs in his ending comment in the Stanford Commencement in 2005 suggested the present generation to “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” And it has become even more relevant today in the face of changing business scenarios. Industry regulations and technological advancements are moving at such a faster pace that you always need to stay one step ahead of the game.

To stay engaged and motivated, have an appetite for learning, and absorb as much as possible. Work will be a whole lot more interesting when you’re constantly venturing in new ideas, testing them out, and using them to push yourself and your team forward.

As you can see, continuous learning can be a key ingredient in your success. In addition, as knowledge becomes obsolete at a faster and faster rate, keeping your personal knowledge base up-to-date is quickly becoming a matter of survival!

8. Provide coaching and feedback

While managing the performance of the employees is the key responsibility of the manager, coaching and providing feedback regularly is an increasingly important part of a modern manager's job. It’s impossible for people to develop without coaching and feedback.

Performance coaching is an ongoing process which helps build and maintain effective employee and supervisory relationships. Performance coaching can help identify an employee's growth potential, identify areas of improvement, and develop new skills. Using their coaching skills, supervisors should evaluate and address the developmental needs of their employees and work coactively on developing plans that might help them gain necessary skills.

If your team aren’t aware of what they can improve, it doesn’t allow them to change or really build upon what’s going well. So, provide well-crafted feedback to employees in the right spirit on a consistent basis. Feedback is useful and meaningful when it is provided immediately or very soon after the performance has occurred or behaviour is exhibited. A stale feedback is a wastage of time.

It’s not only important to be timely with your constructive feedback, but also in recognizing and celebrating achievements. Remember the old saying ““Praise in public, reprimand in private”, which is generally used in context of parenting; but the same holds true even for the adults you are working with. Be sensitive towards people and their self-esteem.

9. Respect individuals and their needs

Treating others the way you want to be treated is the golden rule when it comes to respect for individual, Hold on to your resentment and harsh words in times of stress and anxiety.

Workplace consists of diverse kind of people when it comes to gender, race, ethnic group, age, appearance, personality, work style, ability, tenure, education, thought-process, socio-economic background and many more. Treat everyone equal. Embracing diversity is all about accepting and respecting the differences.

Be sincerely engaged and interested in learning the person’s perspective when listening to them. It is important to get to know your employees, boss and colleagues; their interests and the needs that drive them. This will help the young managers to connect well with the people in the organization, irrespective of the role or designation.

Some employees voice needs openly and others keep things private. As a manager, it is important to pick up nonverbal cues, understand unspoken needs and offer assistance. Building good relationships with everyone will make your work easier and the work environment more productive.

Having good relationships does not mean you have to be best friends with everyone, or go out socially or share all your personal feelings and events. A good relationship is constructive, productive and self-corrective and engages in mutual respect and understanding.

10. Exhibit strong integrity

Integrity is one of the fundamental values that employers seek in the employees that they hire. It is the hallmark of a person who demonstrates sound moral and ethical principles at work.

Honesty and trust are central to integrity. Acting with honour and truthfulness are also basic tenets in a manager with integrity. A manager who has integrity, values his relationship with co-workers, customers, and stakeholders, strongly follows work ethics, and live a life of esteem and dignity.

Managers who demonstrate integrity draw others to them because they are trustworthy and dependable. They are principled and can be counted on to behave in honourable ways even when no one is watching.

Don’t play games with people, be ambiguous or try to impress everyone with being someone you are not. Always be truthful and transparent. Engaging in office politics or gossip is a quick way to lose credibility, compromise your career and degrade your image to be a good manager.

To sum it up

Being yourself and learning more about best practices in management will help you develop your knowledge and skills to be a great manager. Managing other people is an art and a science that can be learnt and manifested.

Becoming an effective, inspiring leader takes time. Find a fine balance—between moving too fast and not making an effort at all, between exerting your authority and not becoming overpowering, and between being enthusiastic and staying realistic.

The journey from being a manager to a leader is a delicate process. Aspire to learn continually with a sensitive and open mind and you’ll not even realize when you started to lead and when people started to follow you.  Just remember, it’s a learning curve and a rewarding process. Enjoy it!

Happy journey!

Meditation – a mere hype or true peace of mind?

Be the change! Meditate for peace and harmony.

Let’s begin with a story!

Once Buddha was walking from one town to another town with a few of his followers. While they were travelling, they happened to pass a lake. They stopped there and Buddha told one of his disciples, I am thirsty. Do get me some water from that lake there.

The disciple walked up to the lake. When he reached it, he noticed that some people were washing clothes in the water and, right at that moment, a bullock cart started crossing through the lake. As a result, the water became very muddy, very turbid. The disciple thought, how can I give this muddy water to Buddha to drink! So, he came back and told Buddha, “the water in there is very muddy. I don't think it is fit to drink”.

After about half an hour, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back to the lake and get him some water to drink. The disciple obediently went back to the lake. This time he found that the lake had crystal-clear water in it. The mud had settled down and the water above it looked fit to be had. So, he collected some water in a pot and brought it to Buddha.

Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said, “see what you did to make the water clean. You let it be ... and the mud settled down on its own and you got clear water... Your mind is also like that. When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. It will settle down on its own. You don't have to put in any effort to calm it down. It will happen. It is effortless”.

What did Buddha emphasize here?

He said, “It is effortless”. Having 'peace of mind' is not a strenuous job; it is an effortless process. When there is peace inside us, that peace permeates to the outside. It spreads around us and in the environment, such that people around start feeling that peace and grace.
Now the big question is, how to attain the peace of mind? Is there an easy way out to attain the calmness of mind? Is it something that working professionals who are busy with their work can get a taste of?
Well, the answer is it depends on how strongly is someone seeking peace.  And there is an old saying that all spiritual practitioner believes in “what you seek is seeking you”! What we need to do is to prioritize our needs is life, we need to take some time out of our busy schedule to seek this peace. And as guided by the Masters through the ages, a tool that can help you gain peace of mind and lead a stress-free life is through the practice of Meditation and Stillness.

What is Meditation?

Meditation is an age-old practice of calming the mind; the best way to take deep rest and be alert at the same time. It is a skill that calms the mind and allows us to get in touch with our inner soul. It is the easiest mean to connect to God.

Exigent situations, demanding jobs, crumbling relationships and wobbly times can be a cause for anxiety and may take away our peace of mind. We are swayed by our emotions. We become indecisive, act on impulse.

Meditation gives us the strength to accept situations as they are. We respond consciously and to a situation. We do not react in ignorance and say or do something which we may later regret.

Meditation releases the stresses that are accumulated in our mind and leaves it fresh and clear.  A tranquil mind is ready to act with perfection and brings the aspired result.

So, ten to fifteen minutes needs to be invested daily for a simple seated meditation. Guided meditation can entice us into a blissful state of presence. But perseverance is the key. I personally practice Master Choa Kok Sui's Meditation on Twin Hearts. But any guided meditation will bring in consciousness for the realization of our true self and attain that much coveted serene state of mind.

More ways to find the peace

• Take a meditative walk, focusing solely on the physical sensations of walking—the earth under your feet, the nature around you.
• Sit in nature—under a tree, on a mountain—and let yourself simply be.
• Write down everything that’s weighing you down mentally and then burn it as a form of letting go.
• Tell someone how their actions affected you instead of holding it in and building resentment.
• Call someone you’ve denied forgiveness and tell them you forgive them.
• Apologize for a mistake instead of rehashing it, and then choose to forgive yourself.
• Engage in a little art therapy; grab some crayons, markers, or paint and put all your feelings on the page.
• Listen to the music that feeds tour soul.
• Start reading that book you bought about dealing with the challenge you’ve been facing.
• Repeat some positive affirmations that help you feel inspired,  motivated, peaceful, and empowered.
• Volunteer your time to help a charity you believe in. Put all your energy into helping someone else, and you will inadvertently help yourself.

To sum it up

We all have a limitless ocean of joy within us. Love is present at the very core of our being. It is the very nature of our Soul. We get so caught up in the complexities of our busy lives that it takes a toll on our mind. We are distanced from our nature. It is the need of the hour to relieve our mind of negativity. To shake ourselves free of stress and tension.
Peace is not just an absence of conflict. It is a positive state of mind that we all nurture within us. It is inner peace that can bring outer peace in a family, in society and ultimately in the world. To create peace between communities and nations, we need to look within. Meditation is that inward journey that takes us towards a lasting solution. Once we find peace within, we will able to share it with our family, friends, and society.  And then we can move towards a better world!

Book Summary: The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success By Deepak Chopra

THE LAWS THAT GUIDE THE UNIVERSE

Today I have decided to summarize my realization after reading a book that truly resulted in a quantum leap in my thought-process and spiritual consciousness. “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success” written by Deepak Chopra is a pocket-sized book that we can finish in a day, but the effect is strong enough to transform our lives. So simple, yet so intricate; so easy yet so enlightening; so compact yet so enormous that we would not even realize the depth but will swim across the deepest of the ocean of spiritual enlightenment.  This is a book to cherish for a lifetime and beyond.

Let us discern the teachings by looking into the laws and interpret them from a spiritual vista.

The Law of Pure Potentiality

The source of all creation is pure consciousness, pure potentiality seeking expression from the unmanifest to the manifest.

And when we realize that our true Self is one of pure potentiality, we align with the power that manifests everything in the universe.

Every individual has an ocean of potential. But while fulfilling the chores of daily life; due to the constant pressure of the society; in trying to be perfect as per the norms of the society; we forget our true identity. We constantly compare ourselves with others and evaluate ourselves against a benchmark; in the process, we become the slave of the society and gradually get conditioned to join a rat race.

We start believing that we are born to achieve certain goals in life, enjoy the finest of the luxuries of the world, to stand up to the expectations of others, to become powerful to dominate others, and to accumulate wealth. This gives us a sense of satisfaction and we feel safe and comfortable.

God has created us in His Image. We are a particle of God. As a drop of water taken from an ocean has all the properties of the water present in the ocean, so are we - Beings of Divine consciousnesses. 

It is time to bring that knowledge from subconscious to conscious. It is time to realize the tremendous power that lies within the soul. This is the power that can move hearts, can heal lives, that through centuries has illuminated the lives of people. This is the true realization of love, knowledge and power, the Godly nature of human beings.

The way to harness this Divine energy is by seeking God in every aspect of life, by leading a rightful life, through the daily practice of meditation, by being kind and loving to all sentient beings and practicing non-judgment and non-injury.  Our lives can then be filled with infinite creativity, freedom and bliss.

The Law of Giving

The Universe operates through the dynamic exchange; giving and receiving are two aspects of the flow of energy in the universe.

And in our willingness to give that which we seek, we keep the abundance of the universe circulating in our lives.

If we want to get loved, we must learn to give love. The easiest way to get what we want is to help others get what they want.

Thought has the power to transform. We should think good and will receive well in return. The most powerful forms of giving are non-material, such as love, compassion, kindness, mercy and forgiveness.

Pure affection is the most potential gift that we can give to someone. In return, the Universe showers gifts on us. We should receive all the gifts, enjoy the bliss and show gratitude.

The Law of “Karma” or Cause and Effect

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind. What we sow is what we reap. If we sow a seed of an apple, it grows into an apple tree and we get apples, not mangoes! 

Another manifestation of this law is the law of abundance. A seed of apple once sown will give hundreds of apple and will continue to do so for a considerable period of time.

Likewise, when we choose actions that bring happiness and success to others, the fruit of our karma is happiness and success. It keeps bringing good fortunes not only to us but for our future generations. On the contrary, bad karma shrouds us in the darkness of misfortune, and the effect multiplies till the time we realize our mistake, learn our lesson from it and take all necessary action to neutralize the bad karma.

The Law of Least Effort

When we harness the forces of peace, harmony, joy, goodwill and love, we create success and good fortune with effortless ease.

Ultimately we come to the state where we do nothing and accomplish everything. Nature's intelligence functions effortlessly, organically and spontaneously. It is non-linear; it is intuitive, holistic, and nourishing.

When our actions are motivated by love, the positive energy radiates and becomes one with the frequency of peace and harmony.

It is important to respect and accept the circumstances, act with responsibility and come out of the situation. If we have harnessed the energy of good Karma, our intuition becomes so strong that the entire universe guides us to come out of the situation; help comes from the most unexpected quarters.

This gives us an experience of confidence, fulfillment, delight, joy, freedom, and autonomy in every moment and in every aspect of our life but the key is to enjoy them with gratitude and thankfulness.

The Law of Intention and Desire

Every intention that we nourish in out heart and desire for its fulfillment is immensely and infinitely powerful.

And when we plant the seed of intention in the fertile ground of fair and divine potentiality, we invite the unfathomed cosmic energy to work for us.

This mind-shift is brought about by the two qualities inherent in our divine consciousness: attention and intention.

Attention energizes, and intention transforms.

Once we use our intent for the benefit of mankind, the entire Universe spontaneously radiates energy to match the frequency of our intention and align the energy to favour the fulfillment of the intention.

Our intent is for the future, but our attention is in the present. As long as our attention is in the present, then our intent for the future will manifest; because the future is created in the present. We must accept the present and work towards creating the future.

This is essentially what we call "The Law of Attraction".

The Law of Detachment

We are in eternal quest of security, an illusion that arises from lack of confidence and greed for more. abundance makes us feel secure. so we tend to accumulate wealth, always want our loved ones around us.

The solution to this whole dilemma lies in the wisdom of insecurity, or the wisdom of uncertainty. This means that the search for security and certainty is actually an attachment to the known. When our life revolves around the known, it stagnates. It gets such a strong sense of achievement that it leaves no room for the Unknown, the Mystic.

Life is like a flowing river; if it becomes stagnant, the river is trapped in its own habitat, and all living creatures that live in it die; ultimately the river decays and cease to exist.

Uncertainty and unknown, on the other hand, is the fertile ground of pure creativity and freedom.

The Law of Detachment does not interfere with the Law of Intention and Desire. It is necessary to intent, fulfill our goals, but let not our life swirl around the trap of the desires, the allure of "Maya".

Similarly, we should not over-think about problems in our life, do whatever we could do to solve them and then "relax and let go". Instead of brooding over the problems, let us create a life with fewer problems. We must remember problems arise in our life for a reason; once we learn the lesson, the same problem never comes back in our lives.

The Law of "Dharma" or Purpose in Life

Life has blessed everyone with a "gift" or special talent. The very purpose of life is to realize that Gift and be grateful for the blessing. That gift is a mean to serve the mankind. That is the path to discover divinity within us. Service is the ultimate goal and purpose of life, and this needs the energy of love and kindness. While we walk tirelessly on the path of service and assistance, we do fulfill the purpose of the Soul; that is, to be one with the Divine and manifest our true Self.

This is a book that has really moved me to an extent that I could not stop myself from sharing a short summary with the readers of my blog and the subscribers of my Facebook page. If you like this post, please hit the thumbs up button; If you feel this post will help others in some way, please share on your social media platforms, if you have a question or suggestion, feel free to comment and discuss. Let these Spiritual Laws bring out the best in us!

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Listen, witness and observe

The Silent Retreat.

Four monks decided to meditate silently without speaking for two weeks.

They began with enthusiasm and no one said a word the whole day.

By nightfall of the first day, the candle began to flicker and then went out.

The first monk blurted out, "Oh, no! The candle is out."

The second monk said, "Hey! We are not supposed to speak!"

The third monk said in an irritated voice, "What is this? Why did both of you break the silence?"

The fourth monk smiled and said, "Wow! I'm the only one who hasn't spoken."

~~~

Reflections:

Each monk broke the silence for a different reason, each of which is a common stumbling block in our inner journey.

The first monk got distracted by one aspect of his experience (the candle) and forgot what was more important - the practice of witnessing without reacting.

The second monk was more worried about others following the rules than in actually practicing himself.

The third monk let his anger towards the first two monks affect him.

And the fourth monk lost his way because of pride.

Why did the fourth monk speak at all?
He could have simply maintained his silence and he would have been successful in his endeavor.

But if he had, chances are, the other three might have continued to argue and not even noticed his silence.

Some people are like this. Their motto is "If I'm doing something good, but no one notices, I might as well not be doing it at all."
They believe that the reward is not in the effort, but in the recognition.

There is a beautiful quote by Oliver Wendell Holmes, "It is the province of knowledge to speak; it is the privilege of wisdom to listen."

As we learn to truly listen, witness and observe without impulsively reacting with distraction, judgement, anger and pride, then we understand the true meaning of silence.

Your thoughts are live!

What is Karma?

Buddha was sitting with his disciples. One of them asked him "What is Karma?"

Buddha said, "Let me tell you a story..."

A king was touring his kingdom on his elephant. Suddenly he stopped in front of a shop in the market and said to his minister, "I don't know why, but I want to hang the owner of this shop." The minister was shocked. But before he could ask the king why, the king had moved on.

The next day, the minister went to that shop dressed as one of the locals to see the shopkeeper. He casually asked him how his business was faring. The shopkeeper, a sandalwood merchant, reported sadly that he had hardly any customer. People would come to his shop, smell the sandalwood and then go away. They would even praise the quality of the sandalwood but rarely buy anything. His only hope was that the king would die soon. Then there would be a huge demand for sandalwood for performing his last rites. As he was the only sandalwood merchant around, he was sure the king's death would mean a windfall.

The minister now understood why the king had stopped in front of this shop and expressed a desire to kill the shopkeeper. Perhaps, the shopkeeper's negative thought vibration had subtly affected the king, who had, in turn, felt the same kind of negative thought arising within.

The minister; a nobleman, pondered over the matter for a while. Without revealing who he was or what had happened the day before, he expressed a desire to buy some sandalwood. The shopkeeper was pleased. He wrapped the sandalwood and handed it over to the minister.

When the minister returned to the palace, he went straight to the court where the king was seated and reported that the sandalwood merchant had a gift for him. The king was surprised. When he opened the package, he was pleasantly surprised by the fine golden colour of the sandalwood and its agreeable fragrance. Pleased, he sent some gold coins to the sandalwood merchant. The king also felt sorry in his heart that he had harboured unbecoming thoughts of killing the shopkeeper.

When the shopkeeper received the gold coins from the king, he was astounded. He began to proclaim the virtues of the king who had, through the gold coins, saved him from the brink of poverty. After some time, he recalled the morbid thoughts he had felt towards the king and repented for having entertained such negative thoughts for his own personal goal.

If we have a good and kind thought for another person, that positive thought will come back to us in a favourable way. But if we harbour evil thoughts, those thoughts will come back to us as retribution.

"What is Karma?" asked Buddha

Many replied, "Our words, our deeds, our feelings, our actions......"

Buddha shook his head and said

"Your thoughts are your Karma!"

Half-life of knowledge

Are you twenty or thirty something? And you are doing pretty well in your career? You had been good or above average in your academics? And you have a job that is perhaps not a dream job but is good enough to chase your dreams and goals? Oh! then that is what I must call a perfect career. Isn’t it?

Now it’s time to face some of the realities of present day life.

Do you feel amazed when you see a 10-12 years old kid knows all the basic skills to operate a smart phone, they can play online games at ease, which you could not have even imagined at that age, or perhaps even now? Or, do you feel obsolete when a kid from nursery classes spell that English word with phonetics and not alphabets, like what we used to do in school? Do you get perplexed by upcoming subjects as data science and analytics and actuarial science, which perhaps you have never even heard of during your school and college days? Do you get scared when you think of taking a basics course on cognitive learning and artificial intelligence? Do terms like IoT (Internet-of-things), ICT (Information and Communications Technology), Big data, IBM Watson,  Mind Mapping sound alien to you?

I’m sure that you are frowning at all these questions but you definitely know that the answer to these questions is a big YES! And you might have come to a time when your knowledge and skills that you have acquired over years started to become obsolete.

But better late than never, when you realized that your skills have depreciated over time, what’s next?

Well, the next is what I refer to as continuous learning to maintain sustainability and get that competitive edge!

Most people associate learning with formal education at school, college, university etc.  We are all told, from an early age, that we should ‘get a good education’.

Generally speaking, it is true that a formal education and the resulting qualifications are important. Education may maximize our potential to find better, more satisfying jobs, earn more and, perhaps, become more successful in our chosen career.

There are two main reasons for learning throughout life: for personal development and for professional development.  These reasons may not necessarily be distinct as personal development can improve your employment opportunities and professional development can enable personal growth.

Learning for Personal Development – There does not need to be a specific reason for learning since learning for the sake of learning can in itself be a rewarding experience.

Moreover, keeping the brain active does have advantages since learning can prevent you from becoming bored and thus enable a more fulfilling life at any age.

There are, of course, many reasons why people learn for personal development. You may want to increase your knowledge or skills around a particular hobby or pastime that you enjoy. Perhaps you want to develop some entirely new skill that will in some way enhance your life. Or you’re planning a trip and want to learn more about the history and culture of your destination.

Learning for Professional Development – Being well-educated is not necessarily the key to employment. Although qualifications may get you an interview, actually getting the job can take a lot more. Employers are looking for well-balanced people with transferable skills. This includes the ability to be able to demonstrate that you are keen to learn and develop.

If you do find yourself unemployed then use the time wisely. Learning something new can pay-off with new opportunities which might not otherwise have arisen.

While you are employed, take advantage of training, coaching or mentoring opportunities and work on your continuous professional development as you will likely become better at what you do and more indispensable to your current or future employer.

Putting the time in for extra learning brings its own rewards.

A few years ago when the US had high rates of unemployment, there was a strong suggestion that this was not due to a lack of jobs, but rather a lack of skills.

However, rather than investing in more courses or programs for members of staff to attend, organizations turned their attentions to technology platforms instead. Coupled with social and mobile tools, these platforms enabled companies to develop and share content, provide employees with training materials when they were needed most, and deliver continuous learning.

This represented a shift away from the old ways of formal training, which typically took place in the classroom and involved a teacher telling us what we needed to know. In its place, continual learning gives us a more engaging and satisfying training experience, where we can learn informally on the job or at a time and place that suits us.

Arguably the main reason why you should embrace a habit of continuous learning is that, without such an agile and adaptive life, you are definitely going to get left behind. Skilled jobs are becoming more and more specialized, while the rate in which things like industry regulations and technological advancements change mean that you always need to stay one step ahead of the game.

And in this context let me introduce you to another concept called Half-life of knowledge.

Half-life of knowledge is the time it takes for widely accepted knowledge to become obsolete or shown to be wrong. It is an analogy to the half-life of radioactive decay that captures the tendency for well-accepted ideas to be improved or reinvented with time. For example, the medical treatments of one century may look barbaric to the next. It is likely that current environmental practices that contaminate air, water and soil with known toxins will seem strange to the future.

Likewise, today's science, technology, social values, and practices will seem primitive to the future, perhaps comically so.

The half-life of ideas analogy isn't completely accurate as some ideas may last indefinitely. The durability of ideas varies from one subject area to the next. Social sciences and psychology are thought to have a short half-life whereby half the accepted ideas change every 5 or 10 years. In areas such as technology, half-life may be even shorter. The half-life of scientific knowledge is considerably longer, perhaps 50 to 100 years. In areas such as philosophy, ideas thousands of years old continue to endure.

As you can see, continuous learning can be a key ingredient in your success. In addition, as knowledge becomes obsolete at a faster and faster rate, keeping your personal knowledge base up-to-date is quickly becoming a matter of survival!

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